Christmas '08

It’s been a long time – I now I know I know. Sorry. It’s been a tough time but getting better.

We’ve settled in and are enjoying life here. The big challenge has been that both of us have been unemployed for over 3 months now and so we’ve really had to try to live very frugally – not much going out and no frills and extras – a complete difference to life in Dubai!

However the good news is that I got a job! I am going to be senior facilities manager on the Luton Borough Council Building Schools for the Future Project. It is only 10 minutes from home, which is a complete blessing. Unfortunately it doesn’t pay enough for us to live, so Janene’s still going to have to find a job (whether drawing from home or working for somebody). Still though, it’s reasonable.

Christmas is lean – what they’re calling a “credit crunch Christmas” over here. The big stores are reporting either no growth in sales or losses. Believe it or not, Woolworths has actually gone under. They have found no one to buy the company so they’re closing the stores and making the staff redundant. Redundancies are the name of the game here, with my industry shedding thousands of jobs. Thank God for my job with the Borough!

The weather has been cold for the past couple of weeks – around the 0 – 3o mark but it has warmed up the last 2 days to the 12o mark. No white Christmas for us this year but at least crisp and cold. We’re really enjoying that!

We have both my and J’s mothers here at the moment. This has its ups and downs but it’s good that there’s family around for Christmas. Especially for the kids – they love having the grannies around.

Both Greg & Casey have done really well at school. Both have had favourable feedback from their teachers and both were on in the top 3 of the merits list for their respective classes. They have both fitted in, made friends and are enjoying it.

Congratulations to Chris & Carol Mason on the birth of Ethan on the 18th. May he bring you much joy. And learn to play all those guitars. How many is it now?

According to reports from various people in Dubai, the bubble if not yet actually bursting, has developed a puncture with people unable to get mortgages, investors unable to sell investment properties and the government running out of money. Developments have been put on hold and the property and FM companies have begun retrenching. Looks like we escaped in the nick of time.

I have developed a taste for both English beer and mulled wine (a spiced seasonal drink). Yes yes I can hear all you righteous folks tut-tutting and clucking away – y’all’ll just have to live with it. It’s the English way, tha’ knaws!

And talking about righteous, we’re still looking for a good church to settle in. We’ve been going mainly to the Vineyard. It’s a nice church but the teaching is not hugely exciting and the worship is lacking in anointing. The musicians are all excellent though – all professional standard – and the kids seem to like the youth. I’ve got involved in the team leading something at the church called Time Out – a time once a month where people come and sit quietly in God’s presence or paint or write poetry or sing worship or lie down or prophesy or whatever. The idea is to listen to and fellowship with God and anything goes (in good order and subject to leadership, of course – one of the pastors leads it). The fact that we always start off with bacon rolls is also not entirely unwelcome.

This has been probably our most difficult year as a family to date and there’s no telling if the next will be a huge improvement. The hope is that it will be but no matter what happens, we know we can trust in God to be our supply and our strength. We don’t yet know what God intends for us in terms of ministry but we do know that we aren’t just here to get jobs and work until we retire. We believe God has a purpose for us being here – we just need to know what it is!

So, in closing, and following a tradition I started last year, here are some words of wisdom for the season:

1. Sometimes it’s easier to cook a turkey roll than a whole turkey – after all, it’s still turkey, it cooks quicker, fits in the oven and is easier to carve.
2. Don’t buy champagne named after a gay lumberjack (remember the Andre, Carol H!)
3. Don’t tell an English shop assistant (or any English person for that matter) that you need a pair of pants. Over here, pants are underwear and you will get a funny look. Rather ask for trousers. Especially don’t ask for tracksuit pants – the picture this will create in the Englishman’s mind is a pair of underpants made from tracksuit material. It’s perfectly OK to ask for a tracksuit but if you only want the lower half, these are called jogging bottoms (nogal!)
4. If you invite English people around for “tea”, hungry people will descend upon your home expecting what we know as supper or dinner! People should be invited for A CUP OF tea.
5. Never order a toasted chicken mayo sandwich. You will be told by a highly health and safety trained (but otherwise wholly unskilled semi-literate Romanian/Polish/Czech) server that mayonnaise may not be reheated because it contains egg, sir. Instead, you have to order a “chicken toastie” with separate mayo – not the same but as close as you’re going to get in the UK nanny state!
6. If you eat too much on Christmas Day, the following may ensue:

"... I called my friend Andy Sable, gastroenteritis, to make an
appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the
colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one
point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the
colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient
manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he
said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written
instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which
comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss
MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never
allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In
accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day;
all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
flavour. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets
of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, which you then fill with
lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is
about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes
about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like
a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great
sense of humour, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel
movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump
off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here,
but: have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the
MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you
wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much
confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything.
And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink
another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your
bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have
not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to
sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very
nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been
experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was
thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend
for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood
and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led
me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a
little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you
put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually
naked. Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left
hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I
was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in
their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this,
but then I wondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to
make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose
Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room,
where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not
see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there
somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over
on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to
the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I
realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy
that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular
procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate. 'You want me
to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha-ha,' I said.
And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a
decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to
tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling
'Dancing Queen, Feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I
was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt
even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my
colon had passed with flying colours. I have never been prouder of an
internal organ!


Have fun, take care, drive safe, live, love and laugh.

Cold and Raining

Hi all,

Today as I write, I sit upstairs in out main bedroom looking out of the window. It is raining outside and windy too. In the words of Paul Simon:

"And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that I am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go I"

Now I'm obviously not focusing on the die but on the grace. By His grace, here we are!

Its also freezing. To the rain, cold and wind I say Yay - bring it on. I have left the middle east (note the lack of capitalisation - an indication of my contempt) and am loving not being there. In fact, we all are. In the words of my good friend and around-the-world-on-a-GS-1150-adventurer: "May I never go back there!"

We find ourselves settling into the idiosyncrasies of English life. For example, it is possible all over the world to order and be served a toasted chicken and mayo sandwich - Janene's favourite lunchtime repast. Now it is possible to order one here but not to be served one. In fact, although one may place the order, said order will be rejected. Why? Because it turns out it is illegal to reheat mayonnaise here. Why? Because it contains eggs and one may under no circumstances, on pain of death (or worse, an evening with Gordon Brown), reheat anything containing eggs.

I can't help but wonder if this means one must remove the eggs from a chicken prior to the roasting thereof.

Of course, the workaraound is to order the mayo separately and add it surreptitiously after the fact.

On the domestic front, we have our own idiosyncrasies. Our landlady left behind a very pretty plant on the mantelpiece, which Janene has been watering religiously. Noticing that it has not yet died, as indoor flora tends to do, and given that we were in search of a centerpiece for the table owing to an impending visit by our friends the Cases, yours truly picked it up last Friday, only to discover that it is a plastic replica of a plant as opposed to the real thing.

Now, although utter nonsense, one can understand that certain personality types need to believe in treating plants with kindness, talking to them, baking cookies for them, buying them Christmas presents and serving them lunch etc. However, applying this to imitations of plants is, methinks, carrying things a little far.

The kids continue to settle well into school and I think it could be said that they have settled.

All for now, as the rain plays its quiet tattoo on the window.

Blessings

Surprise Surprise, I'm in England!

Once again, yours truly was blessed. My company let me leave on the 7th and so on the 8th, I hopped a plane. My bags were packed, I wuz ready to go and so I went.

But, I didn't tell the family I was coming so, at 04h00 on the 8th, I arose, chucked my meagre belongings and myself into my hired car and hied me thither unto the airport. After confirming a free upgrade to business class, I flew from Bahrain to Abu Dhabi, where I lounged in the business clas lounge and caught a flight to Heathrow after 4 or so hours of said lounging.

Upon arrival at Heathrow, I proceeded to catch a bus to Luton airport and then a cab to the house. I got the cabbie to drop me down the road, snuck up, rang the bell and hid around the corner. Janene looked out the window and declare to all and sundry that there was no-one there. She then opened the front door (perhaps not the entirely wisest move) whereupon I announced my presence to the surprise and (fortunately) delight of all present who, (fortunately) numbered only 3.

So now here I am looking for a job and trusting in God for His provision. Please continue to pray.

This week has been interesting, with plumbers fixing floods, meetings with recruitment companies and the odd pint of bitter thrown (or should that be sloshed?) in for good measure.

We've also spent some time visiting parks and countryside - something you can't do in Dubai. What a blessing - to be able to do outdoors stuff for free as a family.

Apart fro the overwhelming beauty here, the other overwhelming thing is how expensive everything is. Quite a shock. Lots of eating out is a thing of the past for the Balls and we have to be really careful until I start earning an income.

We're also looking for a church - have visited a couple but not sure where to settle.

Blessings to all for now.

Quick Blupdate while bunking Bahrain in Dubai

Hi all. Just a quick one. Janene & the kids have moved into the house in the UK now, despite a couple of hiccups including a really awful hotel on their first night (yours truly managed to change their booking at the last moment in truly resourceful style), the house still having furniture in etc. (Again, a call to Australia from yours truly resolved). Never fear when Stuart is near!

I’m in Dubai at present – came here to cancel visas and close bank accounts. Will probably only go back to Bahrain over the weekend as it is awful there and I can’t stand it. I’m staying with our friends Allan & Angela and what a treat this has been – good company, good food and peaceful sleep.

The place I’ve rented in Bahrain sucks – the nosiest flat I’ve ever not slept in. The arab idiot next door to me parties until 4 and 5 in the morning and so I had no sleep at all last week. I’ve spoken to him and the building management but in vain. My only alternatives now are either to get violent or move out. I would naturally choose the latter but this will take a miracle because I’ve paid 3 months’ rent up front. Whatever happens, I cannot stay there and will not spend another night in the place.

Officially 9 and a half weeks to go before I can join the family. If there is any way I can arrange to leave earlier, I will. Please pray. Janene has been unable to connect to the Internet so communication is sporadic. I miss them so much

Blessings to all and more soon.

A New Phase

Yup – at last a long overdue Blupdate from your Beleaguered Bahraini Blogger. How’s that for alliteration? I suggest you get comfortable, put your feet up on the cat, have drinks and snacks delivered to your chair because this could be a long one.
Much has happened since my last entry. I’ve been commuting to Bahrain 4 days a week and not enjoying it – the travel, the job, the company etc. Not much time to address the important issues like keeping our friends updated.
So, we’ve taken a leap of faith. After much prayer and debate and completely without the aid of a safety net (read: new job), I have resigned.
Yes, I quit. Threw in the towel. Told them to take their job and, well, you know!
After spending inordinately large amounts of cash on 2 trips to the UK for what turned out to be unsuccessful interviews, I realized that it is not possible to find a job in the UK while living elsewhere, so the plan is to move to the UK and find a job there. I’m told I should find something in 2 – 3 months. However, I would love to get out of the Facilities Management industry, so please join me in praying that God will open a door into something new, enjoyable and lucrative.
Janene & the kids are moving over on 19th August and I should be there first week in November, if the company makes me work my full notice period – which they are likely to do – the old pound of flesh, you know. (In my case, a couple of pounds wouldn’t be missed!). If they let me go sooner, I’ll be there sooner.
We’ve found a house to rent in a small village called Slip End in Bedfordshire – near to Harpenden, where the kids will go to school. Interestingly enough, I started praying before we left SA for a fully detached home with 4 bedrooms and that is what we’ve wound up finding. I recall asking the homecell to pray about this too and they did. Look what God has done! It has all this and it even has a hot tub! We haven’t actually seen the place yet but we looked in the same area a few weeks ago and its life in the country. It came as a surprise call from some friends of ours, who know the owners were looking to rent. It was too expensive for us initially, which is why we weren’t shown it while we were over there. The price then came down and we got the call. I managed to get the price down even more by paying up front and, well, thank you Lord! At least that’s sorted.
Our friend James Shears lives in the same area and our friends the Cases and the Porees live just next door in Harpenden, so there’ll at least be a couple of friendly faces around. (That is, I hope they’re happy to see us…!). Mr. Case is the headmaster of Kings School, where the kids will be going, so there’ll be a friendly face at school too as long as they are well behaved, failing which I cannot guarantee the amicable of said head’s visage.
It’s going to be hard on Janene & the kids moving to a new country and having to settle in without me so it’s reassuring to me to know we have friends there. Even more reassuring that they are in the palm of God’s hand.
And just when I thought things had gotten interesting, I had an approach through a friend by a pastor in the USA who is looking for a worship development minister. We’ve exchanged a few emails and it is actually beginning to look interesting. He has a small church outside Sarasota, Florida, and is looking for someone to come and develop the worship life of the church. It would be a full time position in around 2 years, so we would have to work at first. However, there is a possibility of them arranging visas – the all important green card.
J & I have always wanted to live in the USA, so this may well be the answer to another prayer! We aren’t going to push it, though. If God is in it, then it will happen in His time. The US pastor agrees and the next step will be for me to go and spend 2 weeks with his family. Not sure when that will be because I won’t be able to take time off during my notice period. Once again – in God’s hands.
I had supper last night with my friend from Hillcrest, Deane Lahner. He’s also in Bahrain and we get together whenever we can. Deane said something interesting. I was sharing with him all the ways the company could be nasty and try to manipulate me, now that I’ve resigned. He said “…but God…!” What a simple but eloquent revelation. All kinds of stuff has the potential to go wrong, but God…! This is something I need to learn to apply. A very Godly fellow is Deane!
I’ve mentioned in previous entries that one thing I’ve learned in Dubai is to trust only God. Well – this is the ultimate test of what I’ve learned. I now have to put it into practice and trust Him with our future our provision etc.
Another, equally important thing I’ve learned these past few weeks is that I cannot live without my family. I thought I could quite happily live away from them for a year but this is not the case. The more I think about only seeing them 4 times a year, the more I realize that I need them. Even if we just sit around the lounge watching the TV, the knowledge that we are together has become special. The kids are in SA on holiday right now and that’s OK because I know they’ll be back. What’s un-OK is the knowledge that I won’t see them on their return because they and J will leave for SA on the same night.
If I were staying in Bahrain, I wouldn’t see them ‘till Christmas and this is just untenable. At least now, I know it will be a maximum of 3 months and then we’ll be together and I hadn’t realized how important this is.
Bahrain is full of divorced expats – guys who’ve moved here for the money and lost their families in the process. This is not what God wants for the Ball family and the value of our togetherness has been brought home in a real way. It’s strange that you only begin to really appreciate something you’ve taken for granted when there’s a chance of separation. I love my family and God has blessed me with the most wonderful wife imaginable and the best kids in the world. I need them and they need me. One of the final straws came while talking to Greg last weekend. He said “Dad, my spirit is hurting”. That was enough for me. Once again, the very fact that we share the same space will be comfort to both of us.
So life is changing for us and we’re entering into a new phase. It is both scary and exciting – like stepping off a cliff at night into a void, the depth of which is only defined by its tangible darkness and absolute silence. I know God’s hand will catch us in free fall and gently place us on the next piece of solid ground. When or where is up to him – it’s no longer a case of just desiring to trust Him – I no longer have any choice because I’ve made the jump. All I know is that He will come through.
A few months ago, we sat around the dining room table and prayed that God would make a way for us to leave Dubai and move to the UK. I prayed that God would take this situation and use it as an example to the kids of what happens when you put your faith and hope in God. I know that soon, I will be able to remind them of this prayer and say look what God has done!
Blessings to y’all

Quick Blupdate

Blupdate? Yes. Blupdate. The update of a blog is henceforth to be referred to as a Blupdate. If pimply-faced geeks in California can originate IT terminology, than flippin'-well so can I.

Not much to report since the last blupdate - much of the same, really, excepting the balloon ride. Temperatures are steadly increasing - mid to high 30's now during the day but still pleasantly cool in the evening. Not for long though.

Our home cell leader has just called to say we're baptising 2 of our members on the beach tonight - Brad (the pilot) and Carol (she of the gay lumberjack champagne). Should be good and a blessing all round.

April fool's day came and went without yours truly getting ip to any mischief. Not much fun really but that's Dubai. Not like 2 years ago, when I swapped the ladies & gents signs around on the toilet doors at work. Caught a couple of people that day & got away with it too!

It now begins to look like my company may renege on its promise to transfer me to the UK. Not sure where that leaves us - stuck in Dubai it would seem. Strangely enough, the day after this began to become apparent, my boss popped his head in the door and asked if I would consider moving to Bahrain to set up our property management business there. Curve ball, and if its from God, both J & I are going to need to hear from him loudly and quickly. I'm going there next week on business so I'll have a look around.

Don't know if I can go through the tortuous process of moving to another Arab country.

I continue following up positions in the UK but again, nothing has arisen yet and it looks like I would have to actually be there to find a job. I don't want to resign and move over there without a job, so its all up to God. I just wish he'd move loudly and directly - like an excellent offer from the UK or even better, the US.

I've decided one thing this time. I'm not going to follow the money. Last time, I chose this job out of 2 options because it offered more in the UK. Now it looks like I should have chosen the other one, where I would have been happier and they were more lokely to have kept their word. Yet another lesson.

Dubai lessons are now:

1. Trust in God an God alone because man will a ways let you down and only God is trustworthy
2. Ley God go ahead ans prepare the way - I don't have to push myself into situations because He knows everybody and has all the connections
3. Don't follow the money
4. Hope

The last one is interesting. I'm currently reading a book by Ted Dekker called The Slumber of Christianity. His theory is that we have lost our focus on heaven and thus our hope in heaven. If we have a long term hope in enernal bliss, then all earthely matters will seem trivial and we will have the vision, will and desire to continue the race until the bliss at the end. I haven't got to the part about how y0u awaken your hope yet but when I do, I'll let you know. This morning's chapter brought imagination into the picture - if you can imagine itm your heart can desore it and if the eyes of your heart are open, you'll see with your heart the pleasures of heaven, without the need to actually visit there like Paul did. Interesting stuff.

If anyone is still reading this blog, please email me and let me know. If no-one does, I'm gonna quit.

Have a great week.

Blessings

Stu

Pre-Easter Entry

Hi all and sundry.

Here I sit with a pain in the neck. No, not one of my colleagues (although there are certainly those that fit into this category) but an actual pain in the neck. It’s suddenly become stiff and sore. I need 2 Synap Forte and 1 Celebrex – that usually sorts out this kind of problem.

I arose this morning at 05h00 and sullied forth unto a CMA prayer meeting. Too darn early for me and I shall probably commence campaigning for a more hospitable hour. The effect of the early morning activities is that I’m now completely shot at 16h00. Trouble with diabetes is that it tends to sap the energy, so my afternoons are already not that great. Today is exceptionally not great.

However, today is also my last day’s work this week. Thurs is prophet mohammed’s birthday and I tool Wed off, so I have a nice long weekend for Easter, which isn’t celebrated over here. Most cooperative of the prophet to have been born at the same time as Christ was about to be crucified.

We’re off to the Mercure hotel at Jebel Hafeet for 2 nights. Jebel Hafeet is the highest point of the UAE, just outside the town of Al Ain and the hotel is perched majestically on top. We went there on one of our breakfast runs, hence my knowledge of its location. Google Mercure Jebel Hafeet” and “Al Ain” if you wanna see where we’re going. We haven’t been away as a family since Dec 2006. I haven’t been away at all since Dec 2006. J & the kids were in SA in June/July, so they had a break but I am breakless. So woza weekend!

The balloon ride was majestic. There were clouds (only happens a couple of times a year said our intrepid pilot) and we rose through them and floated gently above them. ‘Twas like floating above marshmallows. Then we sank below them and the landscape was fantastic.
The most amazing thing was that there was no feeling of height to be afraid of, just a floating sensation. Magic.

We’re only about 6 months away from leaving here (per the original plan) but we don’t know where or when we’re going yet. We’re really hoping God is going to come through with some strong leadership – please pray for us in this regard. Work remains unpleasant, as does Dubai, so we look forward to gapping it.

That’s about it for now. Daytime temps currently in the late 20’s to early 30’s and getting hotter by the day. It’s really great weather at present but the unbearable heat of summer is not far off. Probably only 1 comfortable breakfast run left this year.

I look forward to chocolate

24 Feb 08

Hi loyal readers.

Just a quick update today. After the heady thrill of being voted Dubai's Hottest Couple, the intervening week was equally thrilling with our friend Andre De Villiers (He of the VW ad fame) staying with us for a couple of days and doing a gig at our church on Valentines day. It was an absolute blessing and Andre touched many hearts. I'm sure he'll be invited back.

We went to the mall after the gig and Janene & I could hardly keep our eyes open. It was interesting to hear Andre's comments about the prices - much more expensive here than SA or the USA it would appear. I drove him around on a whirlwind tour of Dubai after church on Friday 15th and we saw a lot of the "usual suspects" in terms of Dubai sights - not actually as much to see here as people might think.

Then off to the airport with Andre and directly on to the Santana concert with my good friends Carol & Brad Holdsworth - Carol of the "Andre champagne" fame. The music was good but the organisation was chaotic - nightmare getting in. Had the best lasagne I've ever had at a restaurant before the gig. All 3 of us resolved we would never go to a standing concert again - no sit, no go.

Saturday the 1st is J's birthday and that's when we've booked the balloon ride. I'll post pics thereafter.

Have a jol. I plan to.

Blessings

Dubai's Hottest Couple!

Greetings from Dubai's Hottest Couple. Howzat?

Well, it all started like this. Janene noticed a Valentines Day competition in the local rag to find Dubai's Hottest Couple., with the prize being a hot air balloon flight. Such flight being one of Janene's dreams, she got all excited and instructed yours truly to enter. To enter, yours truly had to write the story of how we met and began our relationship, and submit it to said local rag.

Needless to say I did so and happily wrote the romantic story yesterday morning. Imagine my surprise when my phone rang later on and the voice said that we had won and were officially Dubai's Hottest Couple! Janene is seriously excited because now another of her dreams will come true. Tomorrow it’s off for a photo shoot and the story & pics will be published on Valentines Day. And shortly thereafter the Hottest Couple will take to the skies!

Some of you may not know (although I don't know why) that your favourite blogger was a really romantic dude in his younger days. So, just so that you know for future reference, the story of how we met goes like this:

It all started on a warm Friday in December of 1988. My phone rang and it was Tony, friend of many years and bass player of note. He explained that the band he was with had a gig at, believe it or not, the annual year end function of a local singles club that Saturday and that they were in desperate need of a singer and guitarist. Being a singer and guitarist, I readily agreed to come along and play. Done and dusted. (I must explain that I’d got to the point in my life where I was happy being single and not interested at all in a relationship. I had good friends, a jeep, a motorcycle and had, coincidentally, just that week explained to all my friends that I was happy with life and asked them to stop trying to “fix me up”)

Unbeknownst to me, Tony’s wife Marilyn, matchmaker of note, phoned her friend Janene – single at the time – and invited her to the function. Janene, being somewhat “financially challenged”, declined on grounds of being unable to afford the entry fee. “No problemo”, replied Marilyn and put her legendary matchmaking skills to work.

Next thing I know, its Tony on the phone again telling me that Marilyn has a friend who would love to come along to the gig but can’t afford to. However, he explains, if she says she is with the band, she can get in for free and would I mind saying that she was with me. I figure this is no risk to my confirmed “singlehood” because I’m going to be on stage most of the evening, so I agree.

Saturday evening rolls around. I arrive at the gig, climb on stage and start rehearsing with the band when in walks Marilyn with this dark-haired vision in cream trousers and a light yellow top. I am naturally smitten to the extent of nearly falling off the stage, guitar and all. I spend the rest of the evening alternating between looking for excuses not to be on stage and reminding myself that I am happily single. The evening passes and I can’t get her out of my mind.

Now, being a cool muso dude and not wishing to appear over eager, I manage to hold out about a week before calling Janene. When I do get around to it, I discover that she’s flown off to visit her dad who lives in another city. I figure this to be providence setting in. The way Janene tells it is that she is bombarded with “has he called yet?” questions from her friends but she, too, is not that interested in a relationship. I remain stuck between really liking this beautiful lady and wanting to remain single. And so a year goes by, during which we date a few times and generally enjoy each other’s company while not getting “serious”.

We get to know each other, though, and begin to realise that we like each other. One of the things that Janene confides in me is that one of her dreams is to be proposed to on water. I tuck this snippet away for future reference.

New Years Eve 1989 rolls around and I’ve arranged a big party. In the week or 2 before New Year’s, it suddenly dawns on me that I’m in love with Janene. It kind of grew slowly without me realising it and then crept up and bit me in the rear when I least expected it. I decide to share this with her during the party. At some point during the evening, Janene says she wants to talk to me, so we go outside into the garden, where she shares with me that she’s noticed my growing interest but that she’s really only interested in being, yes you guessed it, “friends”. This bums me out but there’s nothing like a good challenge and my resolve is strengthened. I resolve to take steps to pursue this lady.

I go out, buy a notebook and commence writing a list of ways to impress her. Flowers, dinner, movies, the whole 9 yards. And, miracle of miracles, it works so quickly that at the end of the first page of the notebook, I end up writing something like “the roses worked, no need for the notebook anymore.” It culminates with the 2 of us sitting in my car at the Apple Bite roadhouse sharing milkshakes. I pluck up the courage and ask her to go “steady”. Janene, her beautiful eyes shining, agrees. My heart leaps. Later on that night, we share our first kiss. My mind is blown. It’s late January 1989.

But now the pressure is on. I realise that if I want to keep this wonderful person in my life, I’d better act quickly. Valentines Day is 2 weeks away and I intend to propose. Bigtime! The little snippet about being proposed to on water surfaces in my memory and I begin a quest to find the most romantic way to arrange this. I can’t afford a cruise liner and a rowboat on the local duck pond just ain’t going to cut it. Then I hear of someone who owns an authentic Venetian gondola. I manage to track the owners down and put my plans in place.

Imagine the scene. It’s the evening of Valentines Day. I’ve booked a romantic lakeside restaurant and bought a “Don Johnson” style linen suit. I pick Janene up. We drive to a local waterfront development, where I park the car. I get out of the car and ask Janene to wait, saying that I’m going to check on our booking.

Next thing Janene knows, a young guy is knocking on the car window, saying he’s been sent to escort her. The young man escorts Janene down to a jetty on the lake. As she arrives, 2 guys row the gondola out from underneath the jetty where it has been hidden. In the gondola is yours truly, holding a bottle of champagne and 2 glasses. Janene is helped into the gondola and the guys row us into the middle of the lake, where I pour the champagne and produce and small velvet box, within which is nestled a ring. I get down on one knee (tricky in a gondola, I can tell you) and propose. Janene says the word I’ve been waiting a lifetime to hear and the rest of the evening passes in a happy, romantic blur.

The final part of the story is that we plan a wonderful breakfast wedding on the 1st of May, which turns out to be a Tuesday. In our home country of South Africa, the 1st of May is a public holiday, so for the first 16 years of our marriage, our anniversary is on a public holiday. We now have 2 wonderful children and will have been married for 18 years on Valentines Day this year.

Janene shared another dream with me while we were dating. She’s always wanted to fly in a hot air balloon…

And that's the story.

The only downside I fear is that I will be inundated with offers from the local Arab women to be my second wife, once they read how romantic I am. I have discussed this with Janene and she's happy for me to proceed, subject to a dowry of 10 million Pounds.

The other downside is that I may get chucked out of the balloon...

Cheers from Dubai's hottest husband!

Singin' in the Rain

Yo all!

Here I sit at home on this wonderful rainy day. Yes, I said a rainy day. For 2 days and a night, this wonderful cleansing has been pouring from the skies, clearing this place of much of the accumulated dust and grime from the planes and surfaces of the city. It is absolutely magical.

What are you doing at home, you may ask. And even if you don't ask, I'se a'gonna tell you anyway. I sit at home, looking out at the rain, because the road to work is flooded and I couldn't get in. Yes, I said flooded, with actual rainwater nogal! (Have a gander at the pics at the end of this post)

Imagine. I awoke this morning at 05h40 to the usual strident reveille of the infernal slumber-killing, dream-wrecking alarm clock. I gazed upwards to check the time because said slumber-killer projects the time on the ceiling and whilst I was gazing, I heard the sound of continued rain. Having read a novel until the early hours of the morning and being lulled by the wonderful sound of rain, I elected to remain aslumber and snoozed off, only re-awaking at 09h00. Now, this is somewhat naughty but I tend to justify the odd lie-in in terms of the fact that I work for an exploitative bunch who don’t keep their promises. However, I arose, showered, dressed in work clothes, breakfasted and had just pulled on a coat when my phone rang. The voice identified itself as one of my staff and explained that the roads were flooded and he could not get to work. No sooner had I advised him to hie homewards when a colleague called with the same sorry tale. I made a couple of calls to confirm this and lo, discovered it to be true. I then disrobed, re-enrobed in a tracksuit and did a bit of work at home.

Janene & I later took advantage of the windfall day off and enjoyed lunch, following which we sailed through the floodwaters to the school to pick up the kids, whereupon we were gleefully advised that the school would be closed tomorrow due to much leakage!

You see, in this place where nothing is ever done right, no-one bothers to check that adequate waterproofing measures have been taken and thus, on the odd occasion of precipitation, it rains both without and within! So the kids have a day off tomorrow.

The drains are an interesting sight to behold for in most areas, the beholding is somewhat academic as they are as plentiful as pork in a mosque. And where the odd drain is in evidence, it is clogged with sand and thus may as well not have been installed in the first place. The result is lakes of water everywhere. Now, the local A-rabs have no idea how to drive. And then it rains and they still have no idea how to drive. Much less how to adjust their driving to suit conditions. So they tend to veer all over the road to avoid the lakes of water and drive on one’s side of the road. Trouble is, one has had experience with rain driving and has come to the conclusion that one’s car will not dissolve should it encounter a large lake of water on the road, and thus one continues to drive on one’s side of the road. This means that one and Mohammad both wish to occupy the same piece of space (on one’s side of the road) simultaneously and anyone with a basic understanding of physics knows that this cannot be. However, Mohammad has no grasp of the concept of physics and , in a panic compounded by his irrational fear of the dissolution of his vehicle, attempts the impossible, resulting in the need for one to vacate the piece of space (on one’s side of the road) rapidly, in order for he-with-no-grasp-of-physics to occupy it. Near misses and the occasional non-miss ensue to the accompaniment of blaring horns and angry incantations in both English & A-rabic.

The rain continues, so I too may remain home on the morrow or, should I be so inclined, I may attempt to visit one of our less waterlogged sites.

What makes this monumentally pleasant is that we had yesterday off too. You see, that fine example of a man George Bush, he of White House fame, deigned to visit these dark shores. Did the authorities plan? Nay, they did not. Did they exercise foresight? Again nay! Instead, at around 15h00, there came an edict saying that 4 of the 5 main roads would be closed, along with sundry bridges, tunnels and access-ways. Roughly 1.5 hours of nationwide utter confusion and consternation ensued and then there came a hastily conceived follow-up edict, declaring the day a public holiday. Yay! Thanks Mr. President – you can stay a whole week if you like.

In a country where the government gives itself plenty of days off, not to mention a 70% salary increase last year, whilst ensuring that the holidays applicable to expats all fall over weekends, a 4 day week is an undisguised blessing. A 3 day week is a Godsend. Add to that the rain and this is about as good as it gets. Even Andre the champagne (as consumed by gay lumberjacks) would be more palatable on such a day! Feel free to pop round with a bottle Carol, if you can makew it through the flood!

To our good friends the Kiggans, who recently experienced the lake effect in their garden in Winston Park due to faulty municipal drainage, take heart. At least you have drainage to be faulty and you had the attendance of waterfowl. We just have lots of water, even worse traffic and the spectre of a foul smell once the rain ceases and the newly formed lakes stagnate in spectacular style whilst awaiting the evaporative process of the sun's warming rays.

Would that the rain could cleanse the vile heart of this place but I suspect this is something only the rain of the Spirit of God can accomplish.

Well, that’s all the news from today. We shall continue to enjoy the rain and the feeling of the closeness of God it brings. Here follow a few pics..

Blessings to all.

Happeeeee New Year

Well folks (both of you), it finally happened. After circling the drain a few times, the congealed mucous-like mass of 2007 squelched its slimy way down the tubes of history and into obscurity and good riddance, I say!

At the same time, the lambent bulk of 2008 hoisted itself over the horizon and plonked itself directly and unmoving in our collective path. Ain't no way around it, we just gotta go through it, so here we go. May 2008 be the good one, the one you've been waiting for, the one about which you comment as you sit comfortably on your stoop sucking contentedly on the oxygen bottle "now that was a flippin' good year".

Much is likely to happen, as is the case with most years. Although it is a scientific fact that in some years in history, nothing actually happened. Nothing, zilch, zip, zero. In some years the nothing grew 6 feet high and enveloped people. Some of us will experience much joy, some will see pain. Some will reach new heights and some may reach new lowts! (Lowts = the opposite of heights. Ya just never can tell. Here's hoping that we all fall into the joy/heights categories as opposed to the alternative.

Christmas was pleasant but fairly quiet in the Ball household, notwithstanding the presence of our mothers. Father Christmas was his normal jolly and generous self, with a drum kit materialising for Greg and a laptop for Casey. FC was sensible enough to procure an electronic drum kit, requiring the drummer to wear headphones to hear the tumultuous cacophony. Lucky for the neighbours the fat man was in a good mood!

The humongous turkey procured by Janene and lyrically mentioned in the previous entry was, in fact, sold to our good friends (and home cell leaders) the Cawoods. Instead, Janene, on the advice of another good friend, sallied forth unto the marketplace and procured 2 American butterball turkey breast roasts. I don't know how Messrs. Butter and Ball quite manage the turkey breast roll. I was expecting some minced up turkey compressed into a roll but instead was pleasantly surprised to find that said roll was actually real breast meat done up roll style. It roasted to perfection and tasted incr-edible. Mmm - mouth's watering as I write. Oops - just drooled on the spacebar! Potatoes, the much maligned sprouts of Belgian origin, cranberry sauce - stunning.

We also had the pleasure of our good friend Carol's company on Christmas day. Carol's husband Brad is a pilot of one of those winged beasts that soar through our skies creating tons of greenhouse gases. He unfortunately had to take the greenhouse gas generator to some foreign shore, so Carol was orphaned for the day and became our guest. We had a wonderful time sitting and talking good stuff and rubbish all afternoon, which made a pleasant change from the usual eat-too-much-and-slip-into-a-stupor kind of Christmas day. Carol brought biltong and champagne. The biltong was great and duly squirreled away by your favourite blogger. I still have some left. The champagne, on the other hand was, shall we say, a tad dry? It was called Andre. Normally, champagne is called chateau something or Le Grand something but this one was called Andre. I had previously thought champers named after a deceased water fowl to be in somewhat bad taste but bubbly named after some gay bloke from California takes the (dry) cake.

Note to Carol: Champagne descriptions should include the words "doux" or "sec". Brut is what keeps lumberjacks dry all day.

Needless to say though, it was a nice day and thanks to Carol for being there.

My 2 weeks break felt like 2 days and I have today rejoined the hades that is work. What a shock! Please pray.

I am happy to report that I sold the Dakar yesterday for R6,000 less than I paid for it 2 years ago. Can't beat a Beamer for resale value. I did in fact mount antlers to the GS and ride it around - I felt like a biker Santa!

In case you actually read the last episode and wondered what FC got for Janene, it was a 22" monitor for her PC. She also got a bluetooth headset, new speakers, a whole bunch of time on the ski slope and a few other bits & pieces.

New years eve was spent at home watching the TV, playing games and generally chilling out. No big parties or us. One of our neighbours let off a few fireworks on a piece of spare land opposite us. After his pops and bangs, I let rip with a good old South African Indian Foil Bomb and basically blew the competition away. Don't know how the movers managed to pack fireworks when we moved but they did. What a blast. Literally.

The day is waning, the creative muse has taken flight and so I sign off this first entry of 2008 a wiser, happier and hopeful person.

Have a good one and please write and let me know if you read this.

Cheers!