Singin' in the Rain

Yo all!

Here I sit at home on this wonderful rainy day. Yes, I said a rainy day. For 2 days and a night, this wonderful cleansing has been pouring from the skies, clearing this place of much of the accumulated dust and grime from the planes and surfaces of the city. It is absolutely magical.

What are you doing at home, you may ask. And even if you don't ask, I'se a'gonna tell you anyway. I sit at home, looking out at the rain, because the road to work is flooded and I couldn't get in. Yes, I said flooded, with actual rainwater nogal! (Have a gander at the pics at the end of this post)

Imagine. I awoke this morning at 05h40 to the usual strident reveille of the infernal slumber-killing, dream-wrecking alarm clock. I gazed upwards to check the time because said slumber-killer projects the time on the ceiling and whilst I was gazing, I heard the sound of continued rain. Having read a novel until the early hours of the morning and being lulled by the wonderful sound of rain, I elected to remain aslumber and snoozed off, only re-awaking at 09h00. Now, this is somewhat naughty but I tend to justify the odd lie-in in terms of the fact that I work for an exploitative bunch who don’t keep their promises. However, I arose, showered, dressed in work clothes, breakfasted and had just pulled on a coat when my phone rang. The voice identified itself as one of my staff and explained that the roads were flooded and he could not get to work. No sooner had I advised him to hie homewards when a colleague called with the same sorry tale. I made a couple of calls to confirm this and lo, discovered it to be true. I then disrobed, re-enrobed in a tracksuit and did a bit of work at home.

Janene & I later took advantage of the windfall day off and enjoyed lunch, following which we sailed through the floodwaters to the school to pick up the kids, whereupon we were gleefully advised that the school would be closed tomorrow due to much leakage!

You see, in this place where nothing is ever done right, no-one bothers to check that adequate waterproofing measures have been taken and thus, on the odd occasion of precipitation, it rains both without and within! So the kids have a day off tomorrow.

The drains are an interesting sight to behold for in most areas, the beholding is somewhat academic as they are as plentiful as pork in a mosque. And where the odd drain is in evidence, it is clogged with sand and thus may as well not have been installed in the first place. The result is lakes of water everywhere. Now, the local A-rabs have no idea how to drive. And then it rains and they still have no idea how to drive. Much less how to adjust their driving to suit conditions. So they tend to veer all over the road to avoid the lakes of water and drive on one’s side of the road. Trouble is, one has had experience with rain driving and has come to the conclusion that one’s car will not dissolve should it encounter a large lake of water on the road, and thus one continues to drive on one’s side of the road. This means that one and Mohammad both wish to occupy the same piece of space (on one’s side of the road) simultaneously and anyone with a basic understanding of physics knows that this cannot be. However, Mohammad has no grasp of the concept of physics and , in a panic compounded by his irrational fear of the dissolution of his vehicle, attempts the impossible, resulting in the need for one to vacate the piece of space (on one’s side of the road) rapidly, in order for he-with-no-grasp-of-physics to occupy it. Near misses and the occasional non-miss ensue to the accompaniment of blaring horns and angry incantations in both English & A-rabic.

The rain continues, so I too may remain home on the morrow or, should I be so inclined, I may attempt to visit one of our less waterlogged sites.

What makes this monumentally pleasant is that we had yesterday off too. You see, that fine example of a man George Bush, he of White House fame, deigned to visit these dark shores. Did the authorities plan? Nay, they did not. Did they exercise foresight? Again nay! Instead, at around 15h00, there came an edict saying that 4 of the 5 main roads would be closed, along with sundry bridges, tunnels and access-ways. Roughly 1.5 hours of nationwide utter confusion and consternation ensued and then there came a hastily conceived follow-up edict, declaring the day a public holiday. Yay! Thanks Mr. President – you can stay a whole week if you like.

In a country where the government gives itself plenty of days off, not to mention a 70% salary increase last year, whilst ensuring that the holidays applicable to expats all fall over weekends, a 4 day week is an undisguised blessing. A 3 day week is a Godsend. Add to that the rain and this is about as good as it gets. Even Andre the champagne (as consumed by gay lumberjacks) would be more palatable on such a day! Feel free to pop round with a bottle Carol, if you can makew it through the flood!

To our good friends the Kiggans, who recently experienced the lake effect in their garden in Winston Park due to faulty municipal drainage, take heart. At least you have drainage to be faulty and you had the attendance of waterfowl. We just have lots of water, even worse traffic and the spectre of a foul smell once the rain ceases and the newly formed lakes stagnate in spectacular style whilst awaiting the evaporative process of the sun's warming rays.

Would that the rain could cleanse the vile heart of this place but I suspect this is something only the rain of the Spirit of God can accomplish.

Well, that’s all the news from today. We shall continue to enjoy the rain and the feeling of the closeness of God it brings. Here follow a few pics..

Blessings to all.

Happeeeee New Year

Well folks (both of you), it finally happened. After circling the drain a few times, the congealed mucous-like mass of 2007 squelched its slimy way down the tubes of history and into obscurity and good riddance, I say!

At the same time, the lambent bulk of 2008 hoisted itself over the horizon and plonked itself directly and unmoving in our collective path. Ain't no way around it, we just gotta go through it, so here we go. May 2008 be the good one, the one you've been waiting for, the one about which you comment as you sit comfortably on your stoop sucking contentedly on the oxygen bottle "now that was a flippin' good year".

Much is likely to happen, as is the case with most years. Although it is a scientific fact that in some years in history, nothing actually happened. Nothing, zilch, zip, zero. In some years the nothing grew 6 feet high and enveloped people. Some of us will experience much joy, some will see pain. Some will reach new heights and some may reach new lowts! (Lowts = the opposite of heights. Ya just never can tell. Here's hoping that we all fall into the joy/heights categories as opposed to the alternative.

Christmas was pleasant but fairly quiet in the Ball household, notwithstanding the presence of our mothers. Father Christmas was his normal jolly and generous self, with a drum kit materialising for Greg and a laptop for Casey. FC was sensible enough to procure an electronic drum kit, requiring the drummer to wear headphones to hear the tumultuous cacophony. Lucky for the neighbours the fat man was in a good mood!

The humongous turkey procured by Janene and lyrically mentioned in the previous entry was, in fact, sold to our good friends (and home cell leaders) the Cawoods. Instead, Janene, on the advice of another good friend, sallied forth unto the marketplace and procured 2 American butterball turkey breast roasts. I don't know how Messrs. Butter and Ball quite manage the turkey breast roll. I was expecting some minced up turkey compressed into a roll but instead was pleasantly surprised to find that said roll was actually real breast meat done up roll style. It roasted to perfection and tasted incr-edible. Mmm - mouth's watering as I write. Oops - just drooled on the spacebar! Potatoes, the much maligned sprouts of Belgian origin, cranberry sauce - stunning.

We also had the pleasure of our good friend Carol's company on Christmas day. Carol's husband Brad is a pilot of one of those winged beasts that soar through our skies creating tons of greenhouse gases. He unfortunately had to take the greenhouse gas generator to some foreign shore, so Carol was orphaned for the day and became our guest. We had a wonderful time sitting and talking good stuff and rubbish all afternoon, which made a pleasant change from the usual eat-too-much-and-slip-into-a-stupor kind of Christmas day. Carol brought biltong and champagne. The biltong was great and duly squirreled away by your favourite blogger. I still have some left. The champagne, on the other hand was, shall we say, a tad dry? It was called Andre. Normally, champagne is called chateau something or Le Grand something but this one was called Andre. I had previously thought champers named after a deceased water fowl to be in somewhat bad taste but bubbly named after some gay bloke from California takes the (dry) cake.

Note to Carol: Champagne descriptions should include the words "doux" or "sec". Brut is what keeps lumberjacks dry all day.

Needless to say though, it was a nice day and thanks to Carol for being there.

My 2 weeks break felt like 2 days and I have today rejoined the hades that is work. What a shock! Please pray.

I am happy to report that I sold the Dakar yesterday for R6,000 less than I paid for it 2 years ago. Can't beat a Beamer for resale value. I did in fact mount antlers to the GS and ride it around - I felt like a biker Santa!

In case you actually read the last episode and wondered what FC got for Janene, it was a 22" monitor for her PC. She also got a bluetooth headset, new speakers, a whole bunch of time on the ski slope and a few other bits & pieces.

New years eve was spent at home watching the TV, playing games and generally chilling out. No big parties or us. One of our neighbours let off a few fireworks on a piece of spare land opposite us. After his pops and bangs, I let rip with a good old South African Indian Foil Bomb and basically blew the competition away. Don't know how the movers managed to pack fireworks when we moved but they did. What a blast. Literally.

The day is waning, the creative muse has taken flight and so I sign off this first entry of 2008 a wiser, happier and hopeful person.

Have a good one and please write and let me know if you read this.

Cheers!